10 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE MARCH 5, 1999

COMMUNITY GROUPS

Parents can meet ordinary gay people at HRC dinner

by Tom Nobbe

Cleveland-Rob Daroff came out to his parents on a teary Sunday afternoon at the age of 14. And even though it would be a number of years before Rob and his parents, Bob and Jane, could openly and comfortably talk about his being gay, he knew they loved him and he could be safe with them. "There's a foundation of love in our house," says Rob, a psychiatrist now living in San Francisco. "I know how lucky I am. My friends certainly tell me that."

But it was in Cleveland, not San Francisco, where Rob developed his identity as a gay man. He credits Charlie Callender, a professor of anthropology, and Callender's gay studies course at Case Western Reserve University for transforming him.* It helped Rob to

believe in himself and in the rightness of who he was.

side they would really be proud of."

Adds Jane, who with Rob's father attended the last year's dinner: "We were thrilled last year. It felt warm and exciting and family oriented. The dinner is society, not the fringe of society."

This year, the entire Daroff family, including Rob's brothers and their partners or spouses will be attending the HRC dinner on May. 1.

HUMAN

RIGHTS

CAMPAIGN

The transformation for Rob's parents, who are celebrating their 39th wedding anniversary this year, came through being made aware of who Rob really was.

"We all become more comfortable with who we are, when our kids are, with more exposure to it," says Jane, a clinical social worker and founder of the Cleveland chapter of Parents and Friends of Lesbian and Gays. "Parents have to see same-sex couples showing affection. They just aren't used to it."

To Rob, this exposure includes events like the Human Rights Campaign dinner. "All gay men and women should bring their parents to the HRC dinner so they can be exposed to another side of their kids—a

As leader of the Cleveland chapter of P-FLAG since its founding in 1985, Jane Daroff has seen the tremendous impact it has had on parents and children.

"There's something almost magical about being in a group of people who have gone through or are going through the same process as you," she says. "Parents need to come out too and need support. Your

child comes out of the closet and your parents go into the closet. They just don't know

what to do next."

Daroff says there's something about having people around them who look okay that helps parents to move on so much faster.

Like P-FLAG, the Human Rights Campaign has become very important to the Daroff family.

"One of the proudest moments of my life was when I found out that Dad had given a big donation to HRC,” says Rob. “That was a concrete example of his love for me, caring about my life and my future."

Rob believes that groups like HRC will make a difference for his future and his future family. HRC is important because "one of the main ways we can make the

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world different is by influencing what happens in Washington, what happens in politics."

Adds Jane: "I want my three sons to be able to fulfill their dreams. I can give them some equality at home, but I can't do that out in the bigger world. I can't promise Rob that he can marry whom he wants to marry. I can't promise him that any job he wants will come his way. I can't promise him that he can always live where he wants to live. I can pretty much promise my other two sons that-and that's not fair."

That's where HRC comes in, says Jane. "It picks up where I have to leave off at home. I can help HRC but, much more, HRC can help me fulfill Rob's dreams."

Rob's father, Bob, who is chief of staff at University Hospitals, says he was really struck by the HRC dinner and its relevance.

"I believe in lighting candles rather than cursing the darkness. There are people out there trying to perpetuate their beliefs on others. I don't like it, but I had never found a way to do my part in combating it." HRC, says Bob, is an "exceedingly relevant group with good, articulate people who want to do the right thing. This is the group I'm going to support and the candle I'm going to light, so I no longer just have to course the darkness.'

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Rob and his parents agree that in the end, for most people, gay or straight—but espe-

cially gay and lesbian sons and daughters— how they feel about themselves comes down to their parents.

Says Jane, "No matter what else comes their way, young men and women-gay men and lesbians-what they want more than anything else is the approval and acceptance of their parents."

On indication of this connection is the rousing reception the P-FLAG contingent receives when it marches by in any Pride parade in any city in the country.

"Parents have a special place in our hearts," says Rob. “It's incredibly powerful and empowering. It makes ups feel good and strong."

That's why it's important for parents to come to the HRC dinner, says Rob's father. "It shows their support for their kids.” Adds Jane, "When some parents are at the HRC dinner maybe it gives other sons and daughters hope that someday their own parents will be there too. It brings hope and possibility for those children who are working toward that."

Tom Nobbe is co-chair of the Cleveland HRC dinner committee.

*Callender also founded the Gay People's Chronicle in February, 1985. He died in October, 1986. Our calendar of weekly events is named in his honor. -Eds.

Homecoming worship service marks 13 years

by Pam Reid

Akron-On March 7, Emmanuel Fellowship Church of Akron will be celebrating its 13th anniversary.

Started in 1986 by 15 people, the group of worshippers met in various places—a florist shop, a rented house, a rented storefront-while looking for a permanent building. The current church building was purchased on January 9, 1989, after which followed a number of months of renovation. The first service in the church building was held on Good Friday 1989.

Pastor Linda Meredith invites you to join them for worship, at 11 am Sunday, March 7.

"We are a traditional Christ-centered congregation. Our membership is diverse and knows what

it is to be displaced from their home churches and denominations. We are Christian disciples who happen, for the most part, to have discovered ourselves in a minority group by sexual orientation. We are a church on the grow, seeking to be faithful to the call to be a whole and unified body of Jesus Christ," says Meredith.

The church offers traditional services including Sunday morning worship, prayer

services, special services such as Good Friday, Ash Wednesday and Christmas Eve services. We offer union and commitment ceremonies as well as couple counseling prior to the ceremony.

The church also opens its doors to community groups to use the facility. One unique feature of this church is that there is a youth group.

"Our church is open to all, including gay and lesbian parents. We believe that we need to have a ministry to and for them as well," Meredith continues.

Pastor Meredith has indicated that this particular anniversary is special because the church leadership is inviting people who have left the church to "come home" and worship with them again. We will be having a potluck after church, at Akron's new

Pride Center, 71 North Adams St.

If you would like more information about this event, please contact the church office 330-376-8725 or e-mail at pastor@emmanuelfellowship.org.

at

We hope you will join us for our celebration. ✓ Pam Reid is a trustee of Emmanuel Fellowship Church of Akron.

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